A Cougar....Moi??

 Mmmm Hmmmm...isn't THIS every cougar's dream? Enjoy the eye candy ladies.

I've been widowed now for nearly six years and my kids have been subtley asking me if or when I'm going to start dating again. Little do they know that I've been exploring all of the usual avenues for this technical age...Craig's List, Yahoo Personals...hell I've even looked in the weekly Pennysaver. All this exploring I've been doing for the last year or so has lead me to an epiphany. Most of the men my age, in my area are sadly bitter and broken, have way too positive a self image (I've submitted a few of those photos to "Best Of Craig's List), look ten years older than they claim to be or are, just like Moi...looking for someone much younger. Such a dilemma when I'm trying to be so appropriate!

So I'm running down the list of ads...scanning for an "acceptable" age...and I'm noticing all of the ads that display a photo. Again, there are those precious few middle aged men with their delusional self image who offer up their photo as a gift... no doubt an added plus to any lady who's shopping for a new squeeze. However...as you open most of those middle aged postings, the photo submitted, for the most part, is a cheesy photo of roses and champagne, silhouettes of two people walking hand in hand along a beachy sunset, or a picture of their ass in womens' underwear. I tell ya'...it's frightening!

On the other hand...almost every posting submitted by a young man say....25 to 32 years of age...THEY have the photos. And why not? Beautiful images with their youth proudly displayed on their faces. Justifiable confidence knowing that they can back every claim they've written up with an action. Caucasian, African American, Latino little Gods...I tell ya', it's a virtual smorgasboard out there and it makes a ripe woman want to taste it all! The best part is...many of them are looking for an older woman. They're so willing to learn...eager to please...bee-you-tee-FUL!

Unlike my male counterparts, I am not delusional. I realize that these young men are certainly not looking for a lifetime commitment or may not even believe in the institution of marriage. Who cares??? As Cher once said..."I believe in the institution of marriage but who wants to live in an institution?" I'm just craving someone I can laugh with, tease, eat with, spend a few hours with watching a movie, kissing, caressing and yes...having sex! Hey...I've never had the money for all the "work" Cher's had done, but I've learned a trick or two along the way. I found out first hand that along with their easy going, optimistic attitude, younger men are ultimately more attracted to my age and wisdom, flirtateousness and confidence than anything else. The same thing that turns ME on about them...turns THEM on about ME! Voila! Another epiphany!

I will hold my former colleague personally responsible for my shift in attraction. (Good Lord...was I attracted to Mr. Middleagedbroken ever??? That was so NOT my late husband.) His name will remain anonymous to protect his...ahem...innocence...but I will remain forever changed because of that relationship. I celebrated his 28th birthday with him but even in the first week of knowing him, the way he called me "chica" made my blood run about twenty degrees hotter. Passionate about just about everything, he still holds life by the proverbial balls and when he gets an idea...he runs with it. Couldn't help having a flirtateous nature...it's just in his blood. The ladies love him and he loves the ladies. We grew very close...very fast...and I have the kind of friendship with him that few are blessed with at any age. I call him my "twink" (My son later informed me that this is a term for young, GAY men but hey...aside from the gay part...if the shoe fits...he wears it so well.) He looked adorable and smelled even better. He could wear a sweater or a suit and be equally as comfortable in both. As soon as he paid me that first compliment of how "hot" I looked that day...and confirmed it by saying it a second time...I had no choice but to take notice. God knows I tried to ignore it...but the fact that he loved his significant other who had given him two children...the fact that he absolutely loves being a dad...the fact that he appreciated every little nuance about almost any woman...made him all the more dillectable to me. The attention he showered on me in appreciation for my body, face, mind and spirit were like an elixir for my middle aged soul. As soon as I caught him looking at my cleavage...it was all over. I'd gone past the point of no return.

Here was a man who could laugh, cry, openly express his emotion no matter what it was...with absolutely no apologies. He'd been doing it all of his life and there was no other way for him. His innocence in all this was intoxicating. I just wanted to drink him in...or eat him up...or stick him in my pocket and keep him. I told him this on a regular basis and it was OK. I COULD tell him because he was cut from a different mold. He wasn't old and bitter and broken. He is still in the "love of life" phase and I realized that this is something that women tend to hang on to much longer than men...thus the attraction.

We never acted on any of these feelings mind you. I really liked his woman unfortunately and just believe that it would bring bad karma on me...on both of us. The thing also is that he stayed true to her. THAT made him even more sexy! He just really believed in sharing his feelings and I was more than happy to accept them and return them. We do this still to this day.

All this is not saying that should I meet a man my age with all of the qualities of my twink, that I would not jump at the chance to "date" him. Of course I would. I just haven't met any yet. I haven't met any who aren't still angry with their ex or sadly, still trying to recover from her screwing him over. They're medicated and even if they wanted to get it up...they can't...or if they can get it up...it takes hours to climax. Am I greedy and selfish to not want to work so hard? I'll be damned if I am.

So...if anyone has taken the time to read this first blog of my menopausal rantings and would like to share their views on this topic. I'd love to hear from you. Hopefully I can keep the anecdotes to a maximum and the negativitiy to a minimum and we can celebrate our middle aged, UNdryness with each of our own "twinks"...no matter what age they turn out to be.